Overall, my peers believed this to be a strong paper. However, some areas they pointed out that could use work were my images made reading a little disruptive, introducing “the judge”, adding more hooks into my paragraphs and in the end saying why it’s worth reading this paper and what it means. In regards to my images, I believe I will leave them as they are. I think that the placing of them works well and is not the “cliche” on the side photos. To introduce the judge I will explain his background as a Nassau County police officer and detective and then his career as a judge. This will give the reader an insight into why he believed his life had already been shaped by the time he started serving his community. Finally, I will show how my narrative is important because someone out there will be able to relate to my narrative of not only growing as an individual but also a career that has really taken a hold of their life. I think the hardest part will be this last goal just because I do not want to sound repetitive but I want to make a broader point. I will just power through any problems I meet. A big resource for me is friends, asking for their input and ideas really helps me when I am stuck.
Great specifics! I look forward to seeing how you incorporate our sources into your ongoing conversation! Keep up the good work!